Hey everyone! It's my birthday today! So I’m at an age now, where I believe I can reflect on my past and make reasonable judgments on the various paths I’ve taken in my life. Where my oh-so-vast(؟) experience allows me the opportunity to applaud the auspicious choices I’ve made and wince at the less fortunate ones. I mark that phrase with irony only because, though I’m advanced in my years of living, I don’t feel that I’ve lived all that much. Do ever feel that way? My guess is you do.
So then... I begin my letter to my younger self, with every intention of screaming from the tops of the virtual mountains in my head. “Never settle! Be daring and brave! Nothing is out of reach. You only have to believe in yourself. Love is real, but true love is really, really hard to find. So back to the first piece of advice about the not settling thing- yeah, definitely do that.”
Halfway through this exercise, I realized what I was actually doing. With everything I was telling the younger me, I was spewing what was a denigrating critique of how I’ve lived my life. This was far from what my original intentions were.
If the teenage version of myself had read this letter, would I have changed course and chosen a different career path? Or in my case, actually have been able to choose a career path at all, since as I recall, back in those days, I allowed my lack of self-confidence to paralyze my growth by convincing myself I wasn’t good enough at anything to try to make a career of it.
If the twenty-two-year-old me had headed the future me’s advice, would I have followed my college sweetheart to his hometown after graduation, thinking he was the man I was meant to marry? He wasn’t, in case you were wondering.
I will be the first to admit I’ve made my share of really bad decisions. I’ve done a few things that I’m not proud of, and to be frank, I’m lucky to have survived.
Here’s the thing. Having what-if-thoughts is fine, once in a while. Wondering what your life could have been like if you had only done this one thing differently can help pass time, especially when you are procrastinating. But shouldn’t we appreciate who we are now? Shouldn’t we focus on what is right in front of us? The lessons learned from having our hearts broken, then healed, then broken again make us who we are. It builds character and adds to the foundation of our life story. A foundation that we can pull from when we’re writing, or creating, or living.
Sure, you might not always like the situation you might be in. You will always wish you had more money, better looks, or be just a little funnier. But you probably like who you are. And you have your life experiences to thank for that. Good, bad, and ugly.
So, instead of giving advice about how I should have lived my life, what I needed to do was support my decisions whatever they are..or were. You know, a "you do you" kind of thing. The most important thing to include in the letter is encouragement, and love.
I started my letter over. And here’s what I came up with:
Dear younger me, I know you’re scared right now. You don’t know what the future holds and you feel like it’s all up in the air. You want to just curl up into a ball and forget that this is happening, but I’m here to tell you that everything will be okay. Life has its ups and downs, but trust me when I say it will get better! Don’t let yourself get wrapped up in everything because there are people out there who care about you. Now, this might sound corny, but the saying “when life gets tough, remember that tomorrow is always another day full of opportunities,” has real truth in it. Try to live in the moment and enjoy the good things that surround you. Worry less, okay? I have way too much grey hair right now.
Sincerely, Me (future self)
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